On Prayers that Tame My Anxiety

Ysabel Y. Gonzalez

for Lynne & Leah

One day I’ll arrive on another planet and firmly state, I come in peace. We arrived here because we lost our own planet to sickness and raging hot skies. Who am I kidding? This is no sci-fi dream and this is the only planet we have which is why I appreciate that today greets me with peace and I offer each branch tree in my backyard a firm grip, welcoming it into today.

Peach tree, pine tree, ash tree, apple tree, fig tree.

My uncle is diagnosed with a deadly virus, and the world continues to spin as it did yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. We carry on because that’s what humans do, heave the weight of specters, hold the fruit from yesterday’s gift, bitter sweetness.

Peach tree, pine tree, ash tree, apple tree, fig tree.

Still heart, dreaming heart, drink in peach, pine, ash, apple and fig, teeming from a not so distant summer, and I’m quenched, hunger and fear leave the pit of the stomach and I rejoice in the finality of this blooming spring. Even when I reach for something now that isn’t there, does not mean it won’t appear if I simply wait.

Peach tree, pine tree, ash tree, apple tree, fig tree.

My body spins on in the earth, dancing, twirling around to search for the bird who’s making that call. Today is still here and I’m not yet sleeping, which I’ll take. What can I be thankful for in this moment? When the boughs break, a new patch of green pushes its sticky wick past. The peonies shiver in the April breeze, but secretly love the chill. My dog shoving his big button nose into the grass, snorting and sniffing. Even he gets allergies.

Peach tree, pine tree, ash tree, apple tree, fig tree.

Breathe in. I am grateful. Breath out. I am grateful.

about the writer

Newark, NJ native Ysabel Y. Gonzalez, received her BA from Rutgers University, an MFA in Poetry from Drew University and works as the Assistant Director for the Poetry Program at the Geraldine R. Dodge Foundation. Ysabel has received invitations to attend VONA, Tin House, Ashbery Home School and BOAAT Press workshops. She’s a CantoMundo Fellow and has been published in Paterson Literary Review; Tinderbox Journal; Anomaly; Vinyl; Waxwing Literary Journal, and others. She is the author of Wild Invocations (Get Fresh Book, 2019). You can read more about her work, at www.ysabelgonzalez.com.